


Longing For Grace

by CastielsGracex



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel, Angel Mating, Angel Wings, Angel/Human Relationships, Angelic Grace, Angels, Angst, Broken Bones, Broken Wings, Castiel's Grace, Castiel's Handprint, Castiel's True Form, Confused Dean Winchester, Curious Dean, Dean Has A Wing Kink, Destiel - Freeform, Embarrassed Dean, Emotionally Repressed Dean, Fallen Angel Castiel, Fallen Angels, First Aid, First Kiss, Fluff, Grace Bonds, Grace Kink, Grace Sharing, Heaven, Horny Dean Winchester, Hunter Dean, Hunters & Hunting, Hurt Castiel, Innocent Castiel, M/M, Masturbation, Needy Dean Winchester, Pining, Protective Castiel, Protective Dean Winchester, References to Metatron, Repressed Dean, Sam Ships It, Sam saves the day, Shy Castiel, Wing Grooming, Wing Kink, Winged Castiel, Wings, Worried Dean, Worried Sam Winchester, cas can still teleport short distances, castiel in pain, low grace, unwanted thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 06:29:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8701072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastielsGracex/pseuds/CastielsGracex
Summary: The hunt had been a hard one - had it not been for Castiel, Dean & Sam would no doubt have been a nice dinner for the Djinn. Thankfully, their angel swooped in last minute and put the fear of God into their attacker. Cas had a habit of saving them when they needed it the most. Dean thought about Castiel - the angel who had gripped him tight and raised him from perdition....and his thoughts started to wander. Dean was so lost in thought that he failed to hear the low sweeping noise of wings appearing in his room. (I'm truly terrible at summaries)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic. Was mostly bored and wanted to get my unbearable obsession with Destiel fluffyness out in writing. Happy to hear constructive criticism.
> 
>  
> 
> Find me on tumblr @ monarchmish.tumblr.com and twitter at: @monarchmish

The room was dark and quiet.  
Dean and sam had come back from a hunt earlier that night - a particularly nasty djinn and it had drained both of them of their energy. Lord knows they could both run for a few days on no sleep and multiple pots of coffee but they were both way past that at this point.  
Dean could hear Sam’s light snores coming from the other bed. Sam never snored. Snoring for him pretty much guaranteed that he would be knocked out for hours on end, something that was pretty unusual for either of them but he knew Sam needed it, hell, HE needed it too.  
Dean closed his eyes and cursed the heavens silently with jealousy over Sam’s ability to fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. No matter what Dean did or how tired he was, he always took ages to fall asleep once in bed. His mind raced through the days events. It had looked pretty grim at one point - if Cas hadn’t shown up unexpectedly after tracking them on their GPS, they would have both been an endless meal for a djinn that night. But of course, Cas showed up right in the middle of it and saved the day. He had a real knack for that - saving them when they thought there was no hope left.

Dean got sidetracked into mulling that thought over and it made him feel calmer - almost calm enough to possibly fall asleep if he carried on that train of thought. Cas always made him feel safe and it was one of the strangest feelings for Dean. He didn’t like associating people other than Sam with the idea of comfort or peace. Sam was his only family and having those feelings about him was normal but having them for anybody else meant danger. It meant he would drop his walls around them and show them his vulnerabilities. Dean didn't like being vulnerable. It was a luxury you COULD NOT afford in this lifestyle. He quickly shook his head to himself and pushed the thought out of his head, settling his mind back to how Cas had proved himself over and over to them through the years and how he was TRULY their hero.

He remembered the entrance Cas had made earlier that night - dropping in and catching the djinn off guard. It scrambled away the second it saw him come in - what supernatural creature wouldn't? Castiel was an angel of the fucking Lord and a force to be reckoned with. The shadow of his beautifully torn but still menacing wings outstretching themselves to intimidate, his skin glowing in the bright soft light of his grace, the way his hair rustled in the breeze, his deep, commanding voice and how sexy it was………Dean's thought trailed off as he he immediately asked “what the fuck?’ out loud to himself. He hadn't even realized how he’d started zoning in on every small feature Cas had, and how it had started "doing things" to his body against his will. It made him extremely uncomfortable . He didn’t like how easily those thoughts had come to him but suddenly he couldn’t get them out of his head and the more he tried to push thoughts of Cas in compromising positions out of his head, the weirder he felt. But he could NOT deny he had experienced these thoughts and feelings for Cas before. Maybe more often than he wanted to admit but those nights had usually been nights fueled by alcohol. He had attributed those thoughts to the constant crash and burn associated with drowning his sorrows in a bottle of Jack. Suddenly, he was hit with a clusterfuck of emotions as his imagination once again ran wild with images of Castiel pinned against a wall while moaning out Dean's name.

"Stop it brain” Dean grunted out loud to himself, progressively getting angrier at himself while he simultaneously grew physically flustered at the thought of Castiel. He could feel the rush of blood starting and the pressure building in his boxers. He had a boner and even through his momentary self loathing, he was considering taking care of the offending appendage. He had gotten a boner thinking about Cas. This was the LAST thing he needed after such a tiresome hunt. On top of tired and insomniatic, now he was angry about his undeniable feelings and turned on at the same time. This was the life of Dean Winchester. 

“Fuck” he groaned lightly in exasperation while trying to figure out how to take care of his seemingly unwavering boner.  
“What’s wrong?"came a quiet but deep voice from the darkness in the room that made dean jump a mile into the air. He knew the voice immediately but it had caught him off guard. He could recognize Cas’s voice anywhere. He had apparently been thinking so hard that he had failed to hear the low flutter of Castiel’s wings announcing his arrival as he appeared in the room. This wasn’t the first time Cas had unexpectedly dropped in while they slept to heal them or watch over them but it certainly was the most embarrassing. Dean's thoughts went back to the bulge in his pants and why it got there in the first place. And to think he had briefly considered actually jerking off. Cas would have been in for a hell of a peep show had that happened.

"Cas what the hell?” he finally managed to choke out.  
“I wanted to make sure you and Sam were alright. I assumed you would both be in a deep sleep and I wanted to watch over” he said matter of factly. Dean could tell his embarrassment had gone undetected by Cas and he was ever so thankful that Cas still had trouble feeling certain emotions like embarrassment or shyness.  
Dean’s eyes tried to focus in on the darkness and finally he made out the shape of Cas less than a foot away from the foot of his bed.  
“You can’t just do that to people Cas.” dean groaned under his breath.  
Cas walked over and kneeled at his bedside as he moved his head closer to Dean’s.  
"Best not to be so loud or you'll wake Sam up, Dean" Cas murmured as he got closer.

“But I do apologize for scaring you” he continued, this time, whispering directly into Dean’s ear. Damn it and Castiel's lack of personal space. Cas’s lips accidentally brushed Dean’s ear as he pulled away and it immediately brought the blood rushing back downstairs. Dean HATED it. He hated how turned on that had made him and he hated that Cas STILL didn’t understand the meaning of personal space. But part of him loved it at the same time and it drove him insane. For years now, he had always felt a certain tension between himself and Cas but he had never really wanted to further the exploration of said "bond" in depth, because he did not like how excited being close to Castiel made him feel. It was unnerving to be so excited about being that close to a man's body - much more a man's body inhabited by a fucking celestial being "angel of the lord" or whatever the fuck category Castiel fell under.  
It made his body do things he didn’t expect and it made him feel good when Cas was close. It almost made him feel TOO good and Dean knew pleasure always came at a price.

Dean looked up at Castiel - at his angel, the angel that had gripped him tight & raised him from perdition. The angel who had given himself over to the Winchesters time and time again throughout the years. The angel who fell from grace and betrayed his kind, simply to stand beside the Winchesters - simply to stand beside Dean, and Dean immediately forgot any notion of heterosexuality or bullshit societal norms he had ever known. Hell, Cas was a sexless ANGEL, he just so happened to be occupying a male vessel. And in that moment, Dean decided he didn't care anymore. There had been wayyy too many years of this tension. Maybe Dean was just tired of it. Maybe he couldn't handle it anymore. But the one thing he did know, is what he wanted in that moment.

And as quickly as he admitted that to himself, Dean didn’t even try to stop himself from what he did next. It was as if an external force compelled him to turn his face to the angel kneeling beside him and pull the angel closer to him until their lips were separated by millimeters.  
Dean knew what he was doing and wanted it badly. He pushed every last part of him that was trying to fight it to the back of his mind and let the need to feel Castiel take over him. He had been hungry for Cas for months…Hell, he damn well knew he had wanted Castiel for years and it was like a weight finally lifted from his shoulders. All the need, all the want. All those repressed feelings he had felt for the angel over the years came tumbling to the surface in a wave of self redeeming enlightenment. He knew what he wanted, he knew how to get it, and by god he KNEW Castiel felt the same for him. It had always been plainly obvious.

Dean looked up into Castiel's piercing blue eyes and gripped him tight by the shoulders as if he now was the one who was saving the angel from perdition. He didn't even think when the words “I need you, Castiel.” spilled from his lips in a hoarse whisper as he finally let his walls down and closed the space between his lips and the Angel's.

Blue eyes were the last thing he saw before a wave of velvet bliss washed over him, exposing the dark silken corners of his mind, where he had hidden his deepest desires .


	2. Wings, Flings & Other Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean wakes up, confused and nervous about the previous night's events. The day carried on lazily until Castiel appears, stating he's hurt and needs help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, was not expecting to actually continue this but I got some good feedback, so here we are. I'll probably be adding more chapters in the coming days.

Velvet bliss.  
Velvet bliss enveloped him as Dean gasped for air, clutching at the first thing he could latch onto as if his life depended on it. He panickedly looked at the clock on his motel bedside table. 7:40 am.  
What the hell?  
He quickly glanced over at the bed next to his and saw Sam still asleep, in the same position he had been last night, still emitting faint but audible snores.  
Dean took a moment to try and piece together the previous night's events. That had NOT been a dream. He knew for a fact that something had taken over him and he had kissed Castiel. He had kissed Cas.  
Dean sat up in bed and took a moment to bask in the warm morning sunshine that was beaming in through the thin motel curtains. He hid his head in his hands and tried to focus. His mind was a swirling mess of emotions and memories that he couldn't latch on to, Castiel being at the center of all of them. It was starting to piss him off how he couldn't grasp on to one particular thought. What the hell was wrong with him?  
He shook his head in defeat and slowly laid back down, he needed more sleep apparently. Today was clearly going to be unkind to him. The last thing that registered with him before he closed his eyes and drifted off was the vague sensation that he was being watched over.

Dean awoke with a jolt. He looked down at his lap where a small individually wrapped apple pie lay, beckoning him to take it. He looked up and saw Sam standing at the foot of the bed, keys in one hand, stupid reusable "shopping totes" in the other. "You're welcome" Sam laughed as he walked over to his bed and placed the bags down. Dean stayed quiet as he tore the packaging off his apple pie and bit in. He could remember it now. Last night he had been overcome with an emotional rollercoaster of feelings that mainly involved lust and love for none other than Castiel.  
He mindlessly chewed on his apple pie as he recounted the events. He had full on made a move on Cas. And Cas hadn't pushed him away, which left Dean feeling dubious about Cas's sexuality, not to mention his own. Dean was a master at having flings, but this was different. This was Castiel for fuck's sake. He couldn't act surprised though. Deep down, Dean had always felt something for Cas no matter how hard he tried to deny it and he knew Cas felt something for him too. Cas had once called it a "profound bond" - whatever that meant. But Dean knew that Castiel always PURPOSELY stood closer to him no matter how many times Dean grumbled about personal space. And honestly, Cas only came when Dean prayed to him. Sam could be battling the 9th circle of hell on his own and Castiel wouldn't come to him unless Dean was the one doing the praying. It all made perfect sense all of a sudden.

Dean cursed as he bit his fingers, having not realized he had finished his personal pie and was holding nothing but the wrapper. His thoughts wandered back to the kiss last night. It had felt so right, and all of a sudden, just like it started,it had ended and Dean had woken up confused. The last thing he remembered (albeit faintly) was Castiel pressing two fingers to Dean's forehead before the world had gone dark. Fuck. Castiel had used his stupid angel mojo to knock him out.  
"Son of a fucking bitch" Dean growled indignantly under his breath, earning him a curious look from Sam who was on the other bed immersed in a book.  
"Anything on your mind? Sam asked, lifting an eyebrow with genuine curiosity.  
Dean shook his head with suspiciously quick vigor as he mumbled "Nah, bad dream".  
\-------

The day seemed to creep by at a suspiciously slow pace and it was making Dean feel restless. He had just finished watching the second Harry Potter movie of the day before Sam lazily reminded Dean that they should probably get some food in their stomach. Sam was right. Dean couldn't remember when he had last eaten a real meal. It had definitely been at least 2 days since he had a proper meal other than bag of chips here and a "personal pie" there.  
Dean got up and wandered over to the motel kitchenette counter where Sam had placed all of the groceries he had purchased earlier that day. Leave it to Sam to be meticulous about grocery placement even when they were at a dingy motel. It was times like this that he missed the bunker but they were too far from home to work this case and be able to drive back to the bunker. Dean swiped some cup noodles off the table and frowned. He wanted to go to the diner and get food but for he was still extremely sore from the previous night'shunt. He sighed as he poured water in the ramen and popped it in the microwave.  
"Anything good in there?" He motioned towards Sam and the book he was reading and raised an eyebrow when he caught a glimpse of what Sam had been poring over the past half a day: "Enochian Magick".

 

Sam shifted and straightened up, clearly caught off guard, like a deer in headlights.  
"I figured it would come in handy if we were ever in a tough situation with angels again" he said lightly, picking his words carefully. Dean wondered why Sam was acting so strange, whatever - he never did understand Sam's thought process anyways.  
"Good thinking Sammy" he replied as he took the ramen out of the microwave and started slurping it savagely with no utensils.  
"Dude. We have cutlery" Sam exclaimed, looking at the Dean as he battled with the offensive noodles.  
Dean sluggishly carried himself back to the bed, noodles in hand and shot a trollish grin over at Sam before turning the volume up on Harry Potter and settling in.  
The sun was beginning to set outside and Dean couldn't help but get distracted from the movie and look out the window for a few minutes to watch the sky turn from orangish pink to blueish purple as the sun went down. It was one of the few things in life that Dean was still able to truly appreciate after all his years of coming so close to never seeing a sunset again.  
"Sunsets have always been beautiful, since the dawn of creation. We have them in heaven too" a deep voice stated from the corner of the room.  
Sam yelped and dropped his book in surprise, while Dean dropped his ramen all over himself and cursed loudly.  
"Castiel you CANNOT do that" he growled, trying to pretend last night had not happened, focusing mainly on his current anger over the noodle fiasco.  
Sam guffawed loudly when he saw Dean scrambling out of bed, shaking the dripping remnants of peas, carrots and noodles off of himself and his bedsheets as he attempted to clean the mess off the bed immediately.

 

"Hello, Dean, Sam. I apologize for the inconvenience of my unannounced arrival" he said plainly. Leave it to Cas to sound completely unphased in his apology even after he scared the Hell out of them. There was an air of charm to Castiel's voice though....Dean could never stay mad at the angel no matter how hard he tried. His mind shot suddenly to the kiss last night and Dean immediately panicked, shooting a glance at Castiel as if pleading to not mention it in front of Sam. Surprisingly, Castiel simply nodded in acknowledgement.  
"S'okay" Dean shot back gruffly, relaxing a little when he realized Cas was not going to be bringing up the events of last night up in front of Sam.  
"Dean, Sam" Castiel, said suddenly, with a bit of worry in his voice.  
Both the brothers looked up at Castiel quickly, not used to hearing that tone coming from the angel.  
"I'm here for a reason. It appears I am dealing with a bit of a problem" he said carefully, averting his gaze from them and looking at the floor.  
Dean stood up a little too quickly without thinking and walked over to Castiel to rest a hand on the angel's shoulder - earning him a glance from his brother.  
"What's wrong Cas? And please be straight with us." he urged.  
Castiel plopped down on the sagging green couch in the corner and sighed. Dean noted that the angel kept his gaze intently on the ground as he breathed out "My right wing troubles me. It won't open after last night and it is causing me great pain. I was injured a few weeks ago but I didn't want to say anything because I thought it would simply correct itself. Unfortunately, it has become quite difficult to deal with and I'm afraid the pain will be nearly unbearable soon if I don't do anything about it".  
Dean held his breath. He had never seen Castiel's ACTUAL wings In fact, Dean could count the times he'd seen Cas's wing shadows on one hand. He remembered the shock he had gotten the first time he saw them with Bobby, when he first met Cas. The most recent time he had seen the menacing shadow of Castiel's wings had been the night before, when they all took down the djinn. Dean felt like an idiot for not realizing that Castiel might ACTUALLY have physical wings, not just their shadow.

"What can we do to help?" Sam piped up with genuine concern, glaring at Dean for not offering to help sooner.  
"Well..." Castiel paused. "My right wing is broken through the bone, it had been fractured for a while now - of that I am sure, it is why I can't extend it after yesterday, I think I gave it the final crack last night - it hasn't worked correctly since then. However, I do not know the extent of the damage done to the actual muscle or feathers since I haven't been able to extend it or look at it. Being low on grace and cut off from heaven without any other angels by my side to help groom and heal it has made this exceptionally difficult. It's a miracle I can zap myself to different locations using my grace" He croaked, a hint of sadness in his voice.  
Dean wanted nothing more than to hug Castiel then and there and help him. Dean of all people knew how it was to feel out of place, an outcast without someone by his side. He loved Sammy with all his heart but even with Sam, he felt like an outsider sometimes. Still, at least he HAD Sam who was his same species. Cas had nobody.  
"Do we still have that first aid kit?" Sam inquired, getting up and looking around the room.  
Dean's face fell. They did not in fact have the first aid kit anymore. They had lost that a few hunts back along with a few weapons in a duffel bag.  
"No" Dean uttered, flatly.  
"Sammy, could you pick up some suturing supplies, and a first aid kit?" Dean asked suddenly, tossing the keys over to Sam.  
"Sure thing, text if you need anything else" Sam quipped as he gently closed the door behind him.

Cas sat quietly in the corner, his head drooping, still refusing to look at Dean. Dean was worried. He had seen Castiel in various stages of discontent. Hell, he had seen Cas possessed by Lucifer but Dean was still anxious over Castiel's wings. Cas could still make very short trips popping into hotel rooms and zapping here and there using his angel mojo but Dean knew Cas wasn't capable of REAL flight anymore since heaven got cut off and his grace was low. Metatron had fucked that up for ALL the angels, but something about knowing that Castiel's wings were mangled BEYOND what other angel's wings were currently like (because of the broken bone) cut Dean to his core. After all, what was an angel without its wings? Cas had already done so much for him, scorched his wings for Dean when he pulled him from the pits of Hell. Injured his wings during the battle for Heaven. Lost the ability to fly and had his wings mangled by Metatron, and now this. If Dean was sure of one thing, it was that Cas did NOT deserve this pain.  
Dean wanted to help his friend. The friend who had sone so much for him. The friend with the piercing blue eyes and love for humanity. Dean's thoughts strayed, and he wondered to himself if Castiel's love for humanity was primarily fueled for his love for a PARTICULAR human.  
That couldn't be. Dean did not deserve Castiel's love. That much he knew for sure. But he just couldn't shake the thought from his mind. He had long denied his feelings for Cas but he knew that Castiel and him shared a bond. He quickly tried to push the thoughts from his head and told himself right now would not be the best time to talk about his little "kiss" stunt last night and how Castiel had apparently shut it down. Dean tried to focus on the problem at hand. Castiel was in pain.

'Cas....can you show me your wings? I uh...I need to examine the extent of the damage to see if I need to text Sam to bring any other supplies" he said softly.  
Castiel didn't move or reply. His eyes glued to the same spot on the floor that he had been looking at for the past ten minutes.  
"Castiel...I want to help" Dean said, louder this time. Castiel looked up and Dean was surprised to see those bright blue eyes glowing with what looked like tears forming in the corners of his eyes. Castiel's hand suddenly shot up at Dean and gripped him tight on the upper arm, holding on to the same spot where he had gripped Dean when he saved him from the pits of Hell. Castiel's hand burned bright blue and Dean suddenly felt white hot heat on his arm before ripping his arm away from Castiel's vicelike grip.  
"What the HELL was that Cas!" Dean roared, scared out of his goddamn mind. Cas then spoke, suddenly and quietly, but with a reverb that shook Dean to his very bones.  
"Dean. You cannot do what you did last night, ever again. The bond we share already has......peculiar effects on me. Effects that make me come close to losing control. I have been able to keep them in check for years but after last night...." he trailed off, making a sweeping hand motion outwards as he continued.  
"What happened just now was proof of this. I had intended to simply touch your arm and state my thankfulness over you agreeing to help.....but these feelings...Dean, they have a mind of their own. Our bond seems to be growing stronger,and after last night...I had to stop myself from losing control after we shared that kiss. Had I not put you to sleep forcefully, I would have risked you seeing my true form and hurting you in the process. I am still new to knowing how to control this bond. It is something extremely rare, even among angels."  
Dean's stomach dropped. Had Cas just professed his attraction, outwardly and plainly for Dean and then immediately shut down any possibility of exploring it further?  
Dean tried to calm his brain which wanted to simply rush Castiel and profess his undying love. 'What the fuck' he thought to himself and shook his head, painfully ignoring all his ridiculous sappy impulses.  
"I'm sorry Cas, I don't know what took over me last night but I promise you it won't happen again." he squeaked in a shrill voice. He didn't even know how his voice managed to come out that high but Dean guessed that's what happened when you were fighting a battle of biblical proportions with yourself on the inside and trying to maintain a calm face on the outside.  
"Let's see those wings" he continued, trying to make his voice sound like normal again and finally somewhat succeeding.

Castiel gave him a long piercing look, telling Dean everything he needed to hear without actually speaking. He never broke eye contact with Dean as there was a low fluttering noise, a loud crash as everything on Castiel's left side got knocked off the table, and the room exploded into a flurry of black feathers.


	3. Beautiful Tragedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean comes to realize just HOW mangled Castiel's wings are, and who is at fault for such a beautiful creature's tragedy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty sad/emotional for Dean. If you don't like having the sad feels, I would recommend waiting to read until the next few chapters when the feelgood feels get posted.

Dean closed his eyes as the room burst with silken black feathers around him. His senses were in complete chaos as he heard stuff being knocked off tables and soft fluttering. He finally dared to open his eyes as the commotion died down and he tried to get his bearings. His eyes snapped to Castiel, looking down at the floor with an expression of complete dismay on his face. Dean knew Cas was shy and feeling self conscious about his wings. For some reason, in the past whenever anyone mentioned his wings, Castiel would lock up and get shy, Dean could understand how it was even worse now that Cas's wings were mangled and he was flightless. 

Dean finally took a moment to let his eyes register on the large extended black mass on Castiel's left side. The room was quite large & had a kitchenette, yet still, Castiel's ONE working wing filled up the whole length of the room and still looked cramped. Dean was complete in utter awe at how Cas had been hiding something so beautiful from him for all these years.  
Dean stepped forward and heard Castiel's voice catch in his throat, holding his breath. Dean wanted nothing more than to run his fingers through those wings, to feel the most intimate, tender parts of them that had never been touched by another human.  
As dean got closer, he noticed that Cas's one extended wing was still mangled though. There were parts of it where the muscle had been shredded away and the feathers had been ripped off. There were dents, tears and snags all over them and even then, Dean thought they were fucking beautiful.  
He didn't know how long he stared but it felt like an eternity. Dean's eyes glazed over every single part of Castiel's wings, not knowing if he would ever see them again. He wanted to remember them, to learn every part of them in case he never got this opportunity again. They were singlehandedly the most awe inspiringly beautiful things Dean had ever laid eyes upon - even in their current state.  
Dean hadn't even realized that at some point during the past few minutes (which seemed like an eternity) while he had been staring at the beauty that Castiel carried with him and hid away, he had fallen to his knees before his angel.  
Dean looked down, his knees digging into the old raggedy motel carpet. He was shocked. Seeing something so pure, so beautiful, yet so broken had completely destroyed Dean's ability to speak. He hung his head and tried to speak, but nothing but a sob managed to escape him.  
He didn't understand what had come over him but he felt as if he had thrown himself into a pit where awe, despair, and pain all danced with each other, drawing him in and making him feel the emotions he so often tried to run away from. He was overwhelmed. He couldn't stand it.  
He slowly looked up at Castiel, at his angel. The angel of the lord who had abandoned heaven for him and once again tried to speak, and once again, failed with nothing but a sob managing to escape him.  
Castiel had been eyeing him.

Dean. The human who made him question everything. The human he fell from grace for. The human he slaughtered his brothers and sisters for. The human he loved more fiercely than he had ever loved his father, was kneeling in front of him, looking up at him as if Castiel was the world.  
He saw so many emotions parading through his human's eyes and he immediately knew, that his human was near breaking point right before him at the sight of simply a fraction of his true form.  
Cas slipped his hand down and cupped Dean's chin, that was dripping with tears at this point, leaking in fast ribbons from his eyes. Castiel understood the awe and the amazement in Dean's eyes, but he couldn't for the life of him understand the piercing misery and heartbreak radiating off of the hunter kneeling before him. He could only attribute it to the fact that humans were not equipped with the emotional capabilities to deal with seeing even part of an Angel's true form.  
"Dean, I apologize. I should have known that seeing my wings would be overwhelming and in bad taste" Cas cooed softly as he began to retreat his hand from Dean's face in preparation to hide his wings again. He should have known, Cas thought to himself, ashamed of the embarrassments he called wings. He was surprised Dean hadn't recoiled in disgust by now.

Dean's hand shot up and grasped Castiel's tight against his face as if his life depended on it, preventing the angel from pulling away.  
"All this time...." Dean whispered weakly.  
"All this time, you dealt with this pain" he pointed at Castiel's working wing.  
"Your wings....they're tattered and torn....but still, they are beautiful" Dean said, standing up, tears still streaming from his eyes.  
Cas stared at the hunter, lost in confusion. Dean's heart was broken, shattered into a million pieces with guilt. HE had done this to Castiel. HE had asked so much of the angel over the years, never stopping to realize what that would mean for Cas. And yet, Castiel never asked for anything in return. His happiness was derived from making sure Dean was safe, and Dean had taken that love and affection for granted for years. Castiel's once full wings were now tattered, scarred and torn...all because of Dean.  
Dean advanced on Castiel without asking and extended his hand, hovering over a spot where nothing but thin, bare, black flesh stretched between two wing bones. The feathers had been ripped clean from the spot long ago and the only thing remaining was a long, ragged scar the size of deans forearm. Dean closed the distance and let his calloused fingers touch the scar, running up and down the length of it and closing his eyes as another sob escaped him. Without thinking, he dropped his hands from the wing and pressed his face to the bare, scarred patch of wing, pressing a soft kiss to the flesh - drawing a sound that was somewhere between a moan and a sob from the angel before him.

Dean's lips kissed up and down that scar, putting every ounce of emotion he could into every kiss. He NEEDED Castiel to know how he felt, how SORRY he was for having been the cause of such a beautiful tragedy. He slid his arms upwards and found more ragged, old and torn flesh laid open and bare with no feathers. Tears continued to roll down his face as he moved his lips upward kissing every new scar he could find. Over and over he did this, with every single scar he saw on Castiel's wing, every bare patch that was void of feathers, every drooping bone, Dean kissed as if Castiel's life depended on it.

Castiel's life had been a tragedy because of him. Fallen from grace, rejected by his family & all alone in this world. Castiel was a beautiful tragedy that Dean had selfishly created.


	4. Heat of the Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean blames himself for Castiel's fall and tries desperately to help fix Castiel's broken wing. Talking to Cas about grace wounds, Dean learns that angels take mates in heaven and that only an angelic mate has the power to heal grace wounds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for taking so long to write this - it's been a busy holiday season. Thanks to the couple of people who have encouraged me to write more, you guys give me life!

It had been years since Dean had let himself sob like this, with tears endlessly streaming down his face in messy wet streaks. Years since he had last let out his pent up self loathing and pain.  
He looked up at Castiel and was shocked at the expression currently splayed across Cas's face. The angel looked utterly wrecked with pleasure. His eyes had fluttered closed, head thrown back and jaw clenched tight as if he was struggling to contain a moan. Could the past half hour of Dean touching and kissing Castiel's wing caused the angel pleasure?  
Dean, on instinct stopped dead in his tracks and stepped back, taking a moment to wipe the wet mess that were his cheeks and eyes. He wiped and wiped as if trying to erase every trace of emotion from himself. He was Dean fucking Winchester. And Dean fucking Winchester did NOT cry. Under any circumstances. He shot another glance at the angel, who in that short time had fully composed himself, standing cautiously still, as if rearing up to argue or possibly retreat if attacked. He looked calm and contained on the outside but Dean knew Castiel well enough to know this was his fight or flight stance. The next words that came from Dean's mouth would determine if Castiel stayed or left.

Very carefully, Dean spoke - pretending the last 30 minutes of weird man on angel cry-bonding hadn't happened.  
"Let's see the hurt wing" He managed to finally mumble as he walked towards Castiel's Broken wing to assess the damage. Dean held his breath for a few seconds and finally exhaled when Castiel seemingly obliged, turning his injured side towards Dean so he could fully examine the broken wing.  
Dean slid his hands carefully over the large folded up mass that hung lazily behind Castiel's right side. The wings were massive and powerful and the top wing bone was thicker than Dean's forearm. He wondered what had caused the bone here to fracture in the first place. It must have taken some SERIOUS strength to be able to fracture the bone. Dean's thoughts spiraled even further, wondering just HOW MUCH strength it took from Castiel to extend their shadows on this plane of existence if just doing that last night had finally snapped through the bone.  
His fingers continued to trace the bone outwards, starting close to castiel's back and feeling out further and further downwards on the down pointing wings until he felt a huge rift in the wing, drawing a pained noise from Castiel's throat. He had found the break.  
Dean looked up at Castiel.  
"Cass...I need to extend your wing...it won't be comfortable..." Dean looked over at his angel apologetically waiting for a response to which Castiel simply said "Do what needs to be done, Dean." and slumped his shoulders. Dean hitched his breath and tried not to think about what he was going to do. Without another thought, he grabbed Castiel's wing with one hand on one side of the clean break, and one hand on the other side, and extended the wing outwards - trying to get them to their full length while keeping the broken bone pieces pressed tightly against each other. The sound the movement drew from his angel was heart wrenching to say the least. Castiel's cry was pained and unlike anything Dean had ever heard. Castiel had always been able to manage any and all injuries gracefully but this was something else completely. Dean continued to hear tiny little sounds of pain coming from his angel after the initial cry. It cut Dean down to his core to know Castiel was in this much pain and he could do nothing about it. It was nearly panic inducing to be so useless in such a situation. He wished he could heal his angel. Wished he had some mojo of his own he could press to Castiel's wings and his broken bone would be repaired - which gave Dean a thought.  
"Cas, why don't you heal your wings with your angel mojo?" Dean suddenly inquired. Legitimately baffled as to why Castiel hadn't simply healed himself. He had his grace back, granted it wasn't his full grace - that would take years to replenish to its original capacity but still, he should have been able to at least mend a broken bone. He glanced at Castiel expectantly, waiting on an answer.  
Castiel suddenly looked like he would rather be in any place other than in that dingy motel room with Dean. "Grace injuries to our true forms cannot be self healed....they CAN however be healed by a celestial being's mate or 'partner' as humans would call it. I have been at the beck and call of the host for millennia upon millennia, leading my garrison. Mating in the eyes of heaven was not something I had time for or had the luxury of even thinking about...." Castiel concluded glumly. Wait. Was that a blush creeping up on Castiel's cheeks? Dean tried not to stare but that was absolutely a flush of pink that tinged his angel's cheeks.

Why was Castiel suddenly shy? He had after all engaged in sexual activity here on earth with various women and even a reaper. Why was the fact that he hadn't "mated" in heaven such a big deal? With a groan, Dean suddenly remembered he was still holding Castiel's wing.  
He had not counted on his wing to weigh so much and within the time during their little conversation, holding the fully extended wing up had winded Dean. He was suddenly very painfully aware of the burn in his arm muscles as he strained to not move the broken bone any more as to aggravate it further, trying it to keep it firmly in place.  
"Not that heavenly mating rituals and grace healing isn't important Cas, but I won't be able to hold this position much longer' Dean huffed, straining to not hurt his friend.  
"Perhaps, I should lay down on the bed and you can position my wing on the mattress without you having to hold it up?" Castiel offered helpfully.  
That would work. In that position Dean could work on setting the bone with a makeshift splint until Sam arrived.  
"Yeah, that'll work. I need you to close your working wing and move over to the bed slowly." Dean exclaimed gruffly. They then proceeded to shuffle over baby step by baby step, while Dean still held the broken wingbone up until Castiel finally reached the bed.  
"Sit down, scoot backwards towards the headboard and lay your head down on the pillows. I'll move with you on your side and lay your wing down when you're laying flat." Dean commanded.  
It was tough work and it took them nearly 10 minutes but when Castiel was finally laying on his back, his working wing swooping lazily over one side of the bed, Dean Carefully set Castiel's hurt wing down against the bed,making sure the bones were still in place. Castiel had been silent the whole time.  
"I need to set this bone and make a splint for it until Sam get's back." Dean said out loud to himself and he was yet again, met with nothing but silence and a curious look from Castiel's piercing blue eyes.

Dean made sure to busy himself for the next half hour, tearing up the room finding things to use as a makeshift splint until he was decently pleased with the results. Fully setting the bone had been a rough job with the the sounds of pain involuntarily tumbling out of Castiel's mouth, but they had finally got the job done. It had been well over 2 hours since Sam had left and Dean couldn't help but wonder what the fuck that diva was doing. It didn't take 2 hours to pick up a first aid kit and some extra medical supplies. Whatever. Dean had gotten the job done - as always.  
He grabbed a chair from the ratty desk in the corner of the room and dragged it over to the bed as close as he could get to Castiel without interfering with the hurt wing that was currently extended off the bed and fluttering lightly. Dean could tell the fluttering was little shocks of pain shooting through Castiel and he wished he could do anything to help relieve it. On the bright side, Cas didn't look as pained as he had initially. That was at least something.  
It had been awfully quiet in the past half hour and Dean decided he needed to clear the awkwardness in the air by striking up a conversation with the angel. Maybe distract him from the pain shooting through his body.  
"So...tell me more about this angel mating stuff and how it affects healing" Dean started carefully, He really WAS curious about it. He had never even considered that angels in heaven might have mating rituals and life partners or that it somehow affected their healing. Castiel looked a bit taken aback at the question but he quickly recovered from the initial shock and launched into an explanation of the subject.  
"In heaven, Angels can heal their wounds via grace during their adolescence. The official coming of age of an angel is at one millenia during which point Angels are expected to court another in various ways until they find a mate. This mate would be the equivalent of what humans refer to as a "soul mate". After the millennia is up and an Angel is considered an adult, they lose the ability to self heal grace wounds or wounds to their true form. Only their soul mate has that ability for bonded angels" Castiel explained plainly. This left so many questions reeling through Dean's mind that he didn't know where to begin.  
"But can't other Angels help heal YOUR grace wounds even if you're unbonded?" Dean decided to ask.  
"Technically speaking, yes they can. Bound angels can have grace wounds healed by their mate or by their brothers or sisters of a higher rank in the eyes of heaven. Unbonded Angels with grace wounds cannot use their grace to heal themselves either but they too can be healed by any one of their brothers or sisters with higher rank. I am an unbonded seraphim. I can only be healed by a currently nonexistent mate, or an archangel.....meaning Gabriel, Lucifer, Michael or Raphael. And well....that won't be happening any time soon. The only other option I have to heal is to wait it out and let it heal naturally" Castiel said, with an air of finality to his voice.

Dean's mind was already reeling. How fucking long would it take for a wing bone to heal? Did angel bones heal at the same rate as human bones? So many damn questions but Castiel had made it clear that he didn't want to discuss it any longer with the tone of his voice. Dean let out a long sigh of frustration and leaned back against the chair. Castiel always managed to handle everything so gracefully - a fairly attractive trait. Which brought another burning question to his mind. WHY hadn't Castiel taken a mate in heaven? Sure, the angel had said he just didn't have time because he had been a warrior and whatnot, but Dean found it very hard to believe that Cas couldn't have found the time to get a mate in all of the millenniums he had existed. Dean's mind started to wander and eventually the burning question arose in his mind.

Could angels find a human mate? Dean leaned back in his chair as a blush started creeping up his cheeks. He thought about himself and wondered if he would have been a worthy mate for Cas, had he been born an angel also. With quick realization, Dean snapped out of it and tried to talk himself down from the painful thought that even if he HAD been born an angel in some other lifetime, he was currently human and would never amount to anything of worth -much less of having Castiel as a mate. Plus, he wasn't gay. He had briefly not cared about the gender of his angel's vessel in the heat of the moment the night before, but when thinking about long term mating, he couldn't ever "date" a man. Who was he even kidding?

Castiel's voice unceremoniously cut into Dean's thought process as he looked up at Dean from the bed and spoke slowly, as if to make sure Dean understood.  
"It is possible for angels to choose a human mate, Dean. And the gender of said mate does not matter."

Dean's heart stopped.  
How did Castiel know he had been thinking about this? God DAMN it, had Cas been spying on Dean's thought's again?  
"It is hardly spying on your thoughts when you are all but screaming out my name in your head. It comes through as a prayer. I don't have a choice in the matter when I am this weak. We can thank my wing injury for that." Castiel responded softly, confirming Dean's fear that Castiel was in fact, listening in.

"So any time I think of you, you can feel it?" Dean said, eyes widening as heat creeped up every square inch of his face with the realization that perhaps those lonely drunken nights when he had privately "thought" about Castiel might not have been so private.  
"Yes. When I am able to, I usually try to tune non life threatening prayers out, for your privacy though." Castiel simply stated, looking directly at Dean's eyes with his piercing blue gaze.

Dean shot up out of the chair and stuttered, trying to catch his breath. Embarrassment visible in every move he made. If there had ever been a chance that Castiel hadn't somehow picked up on it on those nights when Dean had drunkenly stroked himself into completion while moaning Castiel's name over and over again, he would certainly suspect something was up now by the way Dean was behaving.  
"It never bothered me, Dean" Castiel said plainly, addressing his thoughts yet again and making Dean slam his fists down on the kitchenette counter in distress. He hid his head in his hands in complete humiliation and silence for a few minutes. When Dean was sufficiently composed enough, he looked up to see that Castiel's gaze hadn't left Dean at all and was looking at him curiously. Dean opened his mouth to try and plead his case - or hell, who knows - maybe try to displace the blame and argue with the angel with the broken wing but he was cut short by the motel handle rattling and the door flying open to reveal a very winded Sam with arms full of precariously perched shopping bags.

"Just my fucking luck" Dean faintly thought as he hurried over to the door to help his Moose of a brother with the bags.


	5. Hot Blooded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are looking good for the healing process. Sam returns to the store to get stuff he forgot in the rush and Dean decides to have a shower while the Angel naps. Dean decides to have some quality time with himself in the shower, not realizing there could be consequences.

Sam rushed in and quickly left the remainder of the bags on his bed, not even bothering to set them down on the counter like he usually would have. Castiel's well being was all that mattered to either of the Winchester brothers and it was pretty clear that Cas was still in some pretty severe pain.  
Dean watched as Sam mulled about hovering over Cas and checking the splint. Dean thought his work was impressive - he had many years of experience in learning how to splint the worst of fractures and broken bones but it wasn't every day that you had to split an angel's wing bone.  
Dean noticed Sam was taking his time double checking to make sure EVERYTHING was set in place and Dean couldn't have been more thankful. The last thing he needed right now was to be so close to his angel and honestly, Sam was the better one of the two brothers when it came to being meticulous about proper procedures and doing things "by the book" - Dean was always the kind of man that just did what worked quickly, even if it yielded questionable results in the long run.  
After about 10 minutes of playing nurse, Sam let out a loud sigh of relief.  
"Looks like you didn't even need the first aid kit. Also, assuming angel bones heal the same way human bones do, Cas is going to be fine" he said looking at Dean like a proud doctor would look at his nurse in training. Sam turned to Castiel and beamed at him. Things were going to be alright.  
"Now, if you don't mind I'm going to rush back into town and pick up a few other things I didn't have time to get. I rushed back and who knows how long we'll be here until Castiel's wings heal. I'd like to be fully stocked." Sam said with an optimistic grin.

It was a good idea, there was no denying that. Dean took Sam's words in before it registered with him. Shit. How long would they be there? Did Cas have the strength to pop his wings back into the plane of existence he usually kept them on? If he did would it hurt him? Did angel bones heal like human bones did or would they need extra grace?  
Deans mind only spiraled down further. If Castiel's bones healed normally and he wasn't able to put his wings back that means they'd be stuck here for at least a month until they healed...  
Dean was brought back to reality when he heard Sam repeatedly saying his name and snapping his fingers in front of his face.  
"Dean???? Dean. HELLO? Earth to Dean?" Sam said with a wave in front of his face.  
"What?" Dean asked genuinely. He had been spacing out.  
"I need the keys again genius" Sam said with a light chuckle.  
"Oh yeah. Treat her like a lady Sammy" Dean said gruffly as he tossed the keys at Sam and sam nearly skipped out the door. He quickly glanced at Castiel who had somehow fallen asleep in the past 10 minutes. Angels didn't usually sleep unless they were extremely hurt or low on grace. "I guess now I know how badly he's hurt" Dean muttered to himself as he turned to the bathroom.  
The angel was currently slumbering and Dean needed to relax. He quietly tiptoed to the bathroom and grabbed a towel, figuring right now would be the perfect time to take a hot shower and "relieve himself" of some of the pressure that had been bothering him since he shared that kiss with Cas.

\-----

Dean turned on the shower and let it run for a while until it was steaming hot. He Looked in the mirror as he unbuttoned his shirt slowly. Cas had said it had never really bothered him. He had also said he had trouble controlling himself when they shared that kiss. Could Cas have been implying that he liked it when Dean thought about him? Could he have really been saying that he wanted Dean for himself?  
He remembered the noises that Castiel had been making as Dean knelt before him with his lips running over Castiel's feathers. The sounds had been damn near pornographic at one point. Dean didn't exactly know what him touching Castiel's wings had done to the angel but he had a pretty good guess. And he knew he wanted to hear those sounds again. Sometime soon.  
Dean was so glad Cas was asleep- he could think about Cas without having to worry about the damn mind readin' angel peeping into his head.  
The shirt came off and he followed up by undoing his belt buckle and jeans. He hadn't even been in the bathroom alone for 60 seconds and he could already feel himself growing hard and thick under the fabric of his jeans. Dean palmed himself through his clothes and tensed up when he felt wetness seeping through the fabric. He groaned and pulled off his jeans and boxers in one swift motion, wasting no time before stepping into the prickling hot shower.

He placed his hands against the shower wall and let the hot water run down his head and back, closing his eyes to think. He needed to contemplate everything that had happened. SO much had happened in the past day that he just didn't know how to even process it. The ONE thing Dean did know though is that he wanted Castiel. There was no use denying it anymore. He had admitted it to himself already - something that he had been avoiding for years. Castiel was everything he had ever wanted. He was his best friend. Castiel had proved himself to Dean literally through thick and thin. In Heaven, in Purgatory and even in Hell. He was Dean's rock in his darkest times, even when Sammy wasn't there for him.  
He remembered when Sam had been soulless - the only thing that had kept Dean hanging on was Cas. Seeing the shell of his brother had damn nearly wrecked Dean and his angelic best friend had been Dean's sole comfort throughout that time. Castiel had also saved Sam countless times at his own expense and here he was still, always willing to bleed for the Winchesters. Castiel was the very textbook definition of loyalty. He was loyal and honest and a fucking beautiful soul - inside and out. God knows how much Dean admired Cas...especially physically.  
Under all those layers of holy tax accountant there were lean tanned muscles that rippled when he moved. Dean had memorized the curves of Castiel's muscles throughout the years. They few times he had gotten the pleasure to see Castiel shirtless had been like the day before a final where students cram to try and memorize the most they can. He never knew when would be the next time he saw his angel in that level of undress so he had honed in on every detail he could remember.

Dean looked down at himself and saw he was at full mast and throbbing due to the images that paraded through his mind. He was currently hot blooded in the filthiest way possible and needed release. He wasn't going to deny himself after such a stressful day. His angel was asleep meaning Dean had full privacy to have his way with himself without risking the angel hearing - or at least that's what he thought was most likely. Angels probably didn't even dream and it's not like he was conscious right? His thoughts wandered back to Castiel's thick lips and an image of the angel kneeling before him with his lips wrapped around Dean's thickness flashed across his mind. His lust blown blue eyes looking up at Dean with such need and desire desire. That was all it took for Dean's hand to wander downwards ands grip himself tightly before starting to pump himself nice and slow.  
He fucking needed this. He fucking needed this so badly and had never realized it before. He continued to pump, this time getting faster and faster as more images flashed through his mind. Castiel on all fours in front of him with his ass raised high. Face down on the pillow presenting his ass to Dean. He looked so ready to take Dean inside him and he couldn't help but wonder how it would feel to have his cock buried hilt deep inside his angel. Dean had this idea of how Castiel's ass looked. He had caught himself staring at it so many times throughout the years and wanted to see what it looked like without those clothes. He wanted to see if the image in his mind matched the reality and he was deadset on finding out soon. He wanted to be the righteous man who desecrated an angel and made him come undone in filthy throes of pleasure.  
His hand started cramping up and before he knew it he was bucking into it wildly, almost unable to control himself. He could feel it - he wasn't going to last much longer. One more thought of Cas in a compromising position and he'd be coming. Right on cue, the image of Castiel writhing with pleasure, screaming Dean's name underneath him flashed through his mind. Without skipping a beat, Dean groaned Castiel's name as he came in a warm streaming mess all over his hand and the shower wall.

\------

Meanwhile, in the room, Castiel awoke with a start, with Dean's name hot and loud upon his lips - screaming for the elder Winchester as a wet spot in his pants that hadn't been there seconds before grew large and sticky.


	6. Dean's Little *Not So* Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long since I updated. I've been in a really bad funk where I just HAVEN'T been able to write and it took A LOT to be able to write this chapter since I haven't quite shaken the funk off. I apologize if it seems a little discombobulated or not as great as my previous chapters, I'm trying to *relearn* how to write again after my writer's block.

Dean remained blissfully unaware of Castiel's state of consciousness and took a moment to rest his head against the shower wall. The water which had originally been burning hot was now only lukewarm and felt pleasant on his skin as he rested. 

This was what he had been reduced to. Jacking off in the shower to the thought of being able to debauch his best friend. Dean sighed as he felt the steady drumming of the water against his back. The water was progressively getting cooler and cooler but Dean wasn't ready to leave the safety and comfort of the shower yet. He was still stressed beyond belief and while jacking off helped a bit, it only relieved a small fraction of the tension and anxiety he felt. Dean promised himself with what he thought was steel resolve that he would never do this again. He would never give in to his sexual urges over Castiel ever again. What he did tonight would remain his little secret. Nobody would ever know he had vigorously jerked himself off to his best friend. Nobody would ever know what he had done.

Everything in his life had gotten displaced in the past couple of days and Dean was not used to change this big. He didn't like it in the slightest bit. The fact that his thoughts about his own sexuality had done a complete 180 in the past couple of days was just one problem on its own. There was years of self hatred, doubt and angst that Dean could dwell on in that aspect alone. It was definitely one of the things he didn't WANT to dwell on for the time being though.  
The bigger problem for the time being was being unable to have Team Free Will mobile. They couldn't move until Cas healed enough to hide his wings again and that was definitely going to be a problem. On one part, the boys could still take cases locally and come home to Cas at night...but on the other hand, Dean didn't feel very comfortable leaving Cas alone with his wings in this condition. If Cas was hurt bad enough that he needed sleep, who knows what else Cas would end up needing. Dean didn't want to see Cas suffer. He wanted to make sure that his angel was as comfortable as possible during such a crappy time.

Dean's thoughts were interrupted by the chill of the water suddenly feeling icy against his body. He still wanted more time in the shower but apparently the universe had other thoughts. If there's one thing Dean couldn't stand in life, it was a cold fucking shower. He sighed as he straightened up and bleakly turned the water off slowly. He didn't want to face the beautiful sleeping angel in the bedroom just yet. There had been so many emotions between the two of them in the past day or so that Dean wasn't even sure how to process what was even happening between them. It was all so new and strange to him - not to mention Sam being around constantly. Things could get extremely awkward with a misstep between him and Cas if Sam was around. He was always extremely intuitive and Dean was sure it wouldn't take Sam long to figure out that something was going on - if he hadn't figured it out already.

"Jesus Christ" Dean muttered under his breath as he steadied himself against the bathroom sink.  
His life was such a fuckin circus sometimes.  
He wearily dried himself off and threw on some sweatpants with no boxers or shirt. Cas was asleep, Sam was still out and it was about bedtime anyway. He and Sam could share a bed tonight while Cas slept on Dean's bed with his wings out.

Dean remembered Cas was asleep and he turned the bathroom light off before quietly opening the door leading back to the bedroom as to not disturb the angel's sleep.  
Dean was met with darkness. Darkness and a quiet thudding sound coming from Castiel's bed. He figured Castiel's wings must be flapping in the breeze from the fan and tried to ignore the sound as he quickly slipped into Sam's empty bed.  
Once he got comfortable, he stilled and tried to induce sleep before his thoughts were unceremoniously interrupted by the weird thumping noise, this time accompanied by a wet sound. Dean stiffened up and instantly perked his ears up. This couldn't fucking be.  
He knew that noise.  
Years of sharing a bedroom with his brother had made him vividly aware of what that noise meant.  
Dean's brain immediately went into overdrive upon realizing that Cas must be either awake and jerking off, or jerking off in his sleep and at this point, Dean didn't know which one was worse. All he knew is at that moment, he wished it was his hand wrapped around Castiel's cock - or even better yet, his mouth. Dean was panicking about what to do. He wanted it BADLY and his cock twitched with renewed interest at the idea of being able to pleasure the angel.

Dean's thoughts were cut short when he heard it - a quiet whimper of pleasure emanating from Cas's bed followed by the most sinful thing Dean had ever heard. 

"Deeeeaaaaannn"

Dean's cock went from quarter chub to raging hard on in a matter of seconds as he nearly held his breath trying to listen to Castiel's whimpers, hoping to catch the angel say his name once more. This was too much for Dean and he could barely believe himself as his hand palmed over his hard cock once more. He had literally jerked off less than an hour ago yet here he was again, hard over Castiel.  
Dean hurriedly shoved his sweats down far enough so his cock poked out as he gripped himself tightly and started fisting his cock dutifully. He could now hear two respective thumping noises in the room as both he and Castiel pleasured themselves on their beds.  
Dean's resolve wavered when he heard Castiel's whimpers grow progressively louder as his breaths became ragged and quick.  
Dean could tell cas was close to the edge and the only thing he cared about in that moment, was ensuring the angel get the best orgasm of his life.

Without thinking, Dean leapt out of bed with his cock still in his hand and stood at the foot of Castiel's bed for a moment, narrowly avoiding bumping his wings before crawling in between Castiel's legs. He could feel the fervor Cas was stroking himself with and at this point, Dean full well knew Castiel was awake. Without waiting to be prompted, Dean pulled the blankets off the angel and swept forward, engulfing the tip of Castiel's leaking cock in his mouth without warning.  
Cas continued to stroke himself, his pace getting more erratic and fast as he stroked so hard that his hand kept hitting Dean's mouth, but Dean was relentless. He was not going to let up.

Before long, one of Cas's hand snaked into dean's hair as he simultaneously released his grip on himself, giving Dean free reign to take Castiel's full length into his mouth.  
That was all it took before Cas's whimpers turned into a wrecked sob as the orgasm crashed through him and Dean felt a splash of warm come spilling into his mouth.  
Castiel's hand slowly loosened its grip on Dean's hair as Cas came down from his post-orgasm high. 

It all happened so quickly that Dean didn't know what hit him. Suddenly the fatigue from the past few days hit him without warning, debilitating him before he could even move. He faintly remembered feeling soft hands caressing his hair and Castiel's voice whispering something to him in the darkness before sleep crashed in around him.


End file.
